According to Newtonian physics, an object at rest, remains at rest. According to Burtonian physics, a LeVar at rest remains handsome. 

Due to an obscure 1924 publishing and anti-trust law created out of the 1907 stock-market crash panic, the title of the elements of style book LeVar & Burton was changed to Strunk & White.

The One Ring is actually made out of LeVar Burton’s foreskin.

Levar Burton eats worms like you for breakfast. But afterwards he regurgitates them to feed the needy.

Levar Burton can recite Pi backwards and then bake you one, in 3.14 seconds.

Every imaginary friend is actually LeVar Burton, wearing an invisibility cloak.

LeVar Burton counts his chickens before they’re hatched. Then he doubles them.

LeVar Burton CAN tell a book by its cover. With his eyes shut.

LeVar Burton can boil a watched pot with the power of compassion.

LeVar Burton doesn’t look before he leaps. But he looks before YOU do.

Whenever a stitch in time saves nine, LeVar Burton saves ten and a half.

A penny saved is a penny that Levar Burton will use to buy a book for a poor kid.

Levar Burton doesn’t fight fire with fire. He obviates incandescent conflagration with radiantly rapid oxidation.

LeVar Burton's first spoken word was antidisestablishmentarianism.

A warning to women everywhere, do not make eye contact with LeVar Burton while ovulating, his seed is too strong and will turn to pure energy in utero.

Levar Burton is Chuck Norris' Chuck Norris.

Between general relativity and quantum mechanics lies Burtonian Physics.

LeVar Burton's multi-faceted talents are the reason nuclear fusion is in electron flux at the core of the sun, his Reading Rainbow of Love is responsible for the magentohydrodynamic waves heating the solar corona, and the photosphere is the gentle way he presents his energy to us on Earth. Thus solving the solar neutrino problem.